My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
