how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
