I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize