hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
