i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
