You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Still dying that you shit outside
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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