What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
