the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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