Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
