It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
