Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
