i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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