im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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