I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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