There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
