So drunk its hurt
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
