I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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