I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
