highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
