On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
