oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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