also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
even my farts smell like vagina
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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