Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
