Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
