all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
