My brain says no but my pants say off.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
