how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
