But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
