don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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