how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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