38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
