u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just invented taco cereal.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize