you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
