Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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