i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
