Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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