Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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