All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
