Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
