As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just gift wrapped bread.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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