well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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