I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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