people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
