and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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