I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
