Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
