what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
