Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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