Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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