if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
