i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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