I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
