She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
