Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize