I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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