I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
