I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
