im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
