Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
