you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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