I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
