Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
