i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
