how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
