The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
