i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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