Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
