It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
