tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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